Death Row and Disney

Shannon (my wife) and I just finished a marathon last week. In the next day or two after that Shannon started talking about having children. Sometime mid week we decided that we would start trying to have a baby. Why we waited so long and why we chose now, I will talk about in another blog. But right now I want to expound upon the title of this session called "Death Row and Disney." This was a term I used the other day at the starting line of the marathon that seemed to get a few laughs. I told those I would be running with for almost half the race that that was how I felt before the marathon. When they asked me to explain, I said that my emotions were torn in two. On the one hand, it felt like when I was a child waiting to go to Disney. My siblings and I probably watched that going to Disney VHS tape a hundred times before we went. That's the same way I felt about the marathon. I had done so much planning, training, and preparing that it was exciting when we were at the start line getting ready to run. I had pictured the finish line a hundred times. On the other hand running the marathon felt like being on death row. One can only picture what those who walk the green mile go through. But this was one of the emotions I was having. I felt like I wanted to die. I felt like if I attempted to finish this marathon I was going to die. So the marathon was a mix of emotions between "Death Row and Disney."
That's how I feel about having a child. I am super excited. I can't wait to hold my own child. I can't wait to throw a ball with a son. I can't wait to sit and have a pretend tea party with a daughter. Now the death row. The death row isn't because of the child, it is because of me. I fear not being able to provide for a child. I fear not being able to be there when they need me. I fear the unknown of what I have never done. But God has always been gracious before to give me what I need to accomplish what He has asked me to do. So, when I think about it, I have nothing to fear, and Disney is only ahead of me.