Going in Slow Motion

For those of you who know me know that I like to live life at 90 miles per hour. I get bored real fast (I've tried not to be like this, but it's just who I am). I am a multi-tasking feind, and like to have something planned all the time. I think this comes from my childhood of being in a family that was always busy and productive with work or fun. And today they proclaimed those horrible words, Shannon needs to be on bed rest. Now don't get me wrong.
I'm happy for her. I have been taking her with me at 90 miles per hour for years. So she needs a break. But she has only been on bed rest for about five hours and it's driving me crazy already. We have canceled previous engagements for the next week. And this is keeping us at home. Luckily my buddy Logan came over to hang out tonight. I hope this doesn't last long so we can get back to life, per say. But at the time we are moving in slow motion. On the upside, we are getting more time together and the rest that we both need.

Going Public

We have spent the last week letting friends and family know that we are expecting. Today we are going public with the information. It has been a fun week of seeing excited faces at the news. My parents, grandparents on my mom's side, and grandma on Shannon's side all received a flower with a care that read "Happy Valentines love Tim, Shannon, and Baby." That was really fun. Then, like Shannon's parents, others unfortunately found out through our trip to the ER this last week. We are nervouse about going public. One, who did we forget or who will be upset that they didn't know before the masses. Hopefully everyone will be gracious. Second, with our scare the other day, what will happen if we tell everyone and we still end up having a miscarriage. But we are excited, and excited to finally tell everyone.

Mountains, Valleys, Mountains

For the average person, when you find out you are pregnant, you are on a mountain top. The only way one can experience a mountain top is by experiencing a valley, and vice a versa.
On my way home from work yesterday Shannon called me histerical letting me know that she was having problems, major problems. In fact, and for her sake I won't share the details, she was all but sure that we had had a miscarriage. I told her that I would stay on the phone with her until I got home, but she said that it was ok, and I raced home to be with her.
When I got home she was a mess. She was sure the baby was gone. I tried to consol her as she let me know she had called the doctor and that the doctor wanted to potentially see her the next day.
Here's where my making fun of a coworker for being paranoid about her kids has backfired on me. I didn't like the answer of tomorrow. I called my sister-in-law Kelsey, who works in the OB ward where we will be deliving hopefully one day. She told us that we should go to the ER to get things checked out.
I called a couple people to ask them to pray, and called our parents to let them know about what was happening. My dad could tell that we were not in good shape so he and my mom came and took us to the hospital. Later they were relieved by Shannon's parents. One thing I have to say, it's great to have family and friends who are so supportive.
While making some calls I had a breakdown when I was on the phone with one of my best friends Matt. After getting off the phone I broke. I laid on the couch, put my face in the pillow to muffle the sound and just lost it. I went up, held Shannon, and she saw that I was visibly upset. I thought it would bother her, upset her more, that she would want me to be strong for her. She told me she was happy to see me upset because she needed to know that I was upset too.
We got down to the ER about 6PM, having already thought the worst. They did the best they could do with the few people they had, but it was painfully slow. It was almost an hour and a half until we saw anyone to get blood drawn, three viles worth. We waited until almost 11 pm until we had a room and saw the doctor. During all this time Shannon laid there on the chairs, with small tears in her eyes, and often stairing into what seemed to be a bleak future. I sat nearby with the parents, every once in a while sitting on the dirty floor next to her holding her hand, running my fingers through her hair, letting her know that whatever happened, we would make it through it.
When the doctor got to see us, he was great. He kept things light but didn't make light of the situation. He congratulated us. I was confused and asked him, are we still at congratulations status? He told us the HCG was around 53,000, which he said was good. He told us two things, that either we were farther than we thought, or he wanted to know if we had twins in our families. This number sounded great, but it wasn't tangible.
Some time around 12:30 AM we had an ultrasound. I looked at these cloud-like images where I saw a picture of what looked like faces, but at this point that definitly couldn't be. Then she showed us some fluttering. She said that it was the baby's heart and it was beating at a good 125 beats per minute. What a relief. Back on the mountain top. I have seen that beating heart in my mind literally hundreds of times since last night. It has been the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life to this point. We got home and hit bed by 2 AM. And Shannon has just been taking it easy as I watch over her.

I'm Still Man, But I'm Watching Baby Shows

I grew up in the country where to the right of us our closest neighbor was about a quarter mile away. There were no metrosexuals in the Madden household. Many times my dad, brothers, and I would do your typical man stuff. We would play ball together, chop wood, build tree forts (not houses, forts) in the woods, and let out Tim the Tool Man grunts often. As young boys we were always dirty and smelled like your typical boys.
I have a running joke with a couple people at the office where I talk about how manly I am, and these couple women joke about how I'm not. We have a good time with it.
There are certain things that probably wouldn't be thought as typically masculine and that I would have probably made fun of my buddies if I heard they were doing them. Now I find myself doing them. Like watching baby shows. Whether it's ones about women who are pregnant, giving birth, or raising babies, I find these shows riveting where once I would have thought they were a bore. I think why I am watching them is that they are now relevant. I want to be the best dad I can be and as they say, "information is power." So I am curious what other things I will be doing that I once thought not so masculine.

A Little More Official

After what seemed like weeks from last friday we got the blood results yesterday. Shannon is pregnant. What a relief. Every time we take another step it seems more real, not that it's not, but it's hard to wrap your head around it at this point. I bought Shannon some flowers today to tell her congratulations on being a mom. What an awesome glow she had in her eyes when she saw me come through the door.

Keeping Secrets for a Reason

I like to talk. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm always full of conversation. We have only known since wednesday that we are expecting and yet every day feels like a week since we have decided not to tell anyone yet.
Why haven't we told anyoen yet? The unexpected possibility of losing a child. We've had two sets of friends in the last year and a half who have told everyone they were expecting, and lost their babies. Talk about mountain to valley. I've heard several stats that one third to one fith of pregnancies end in a misscarriage. But it's killing me. Especially since people talk about having children or when we are going to have kids. Also, I know the excitement that this will bring to our families and friends.
We were finally able to tell someone yesterday. Our sister-in-law Kelsey. I know what your thinking, "I thought they weren't going to tell any one." Well, Kelsey works in the medical field in the OB area at the hospital where we will diliver. She also just had a baby, Leah, this past Fall (I blame Leah for some of this, but that will be for another time). We needed to find a good doctor and we wanted her opinion which she was happy to give. At least we have someone to talk to when we need to talk now. But again, keeping the secret is just torture.

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Upon seeing this title, you might think that I'm going to talk about that fateful day where my wife gives birth. But I'm talking about taking the official blood filled vile test today. Even with sweaty palms, signs of possible projectile vomitting, and nervouseness, we got through it. And we've been there before and it didn't go as well.
A couple years ago we lived in Florida, Shannon was ill, and needed bloodwork done. Three different times we tried. She was listening to her mp3 to distract her, squeezing any feeling out of my hand, nigh unto hyperventalating, and praying like someone on the sinking Titanic. But none of that mattered. After three times she left there with just as much blood as she came with. She was in tears so I took her to grab a coffee, which she spilled on herself on the way to work and burnt her stomach. I walked her in and told her boss it was going to be a little later than expected until she would be able to get it together. One advantage, when she got it together, she was so visibly upset, that one of her preschool students told her that she was going to behave today.
Shannon vowed that she would never again get her blood drawn unless she was pregnant, and that the only reason she would do it is because of the baby. And that's where we were this morning. She had it drawn and very little problems since the Florida mess. I guess it's mind over matter after all.

The Agnst of Wating, Third Time's the Charm

Although I don't plan on writing every day, I think that it has definitly been a long time since I've written last. Some of it has been the pain of waiting. It only took three months (since we started trying after the Marathon) to get pregnant, and it seemed like waiting forever. But Shannon and I have friends that have waited much longer, or who have never been able to conceive.
If your thinking goes anything like mine, there is a couple things that go through your head when you think about how long this process can or has taken for you. Why do some people that seem to be able to take care of a baby financially, emotionally and the such take so long? And why do these people who are incapable of taking care of children have children so easily? You think of these children who are having children. I'm guessing I'm not the only one who struggles with this?

The Plus Sign

Today Shannon and I took another at home pregnancy test (well, I didn't take it, Shannon did. I just sat and was nervous). It was a plus sign. When you see that plus sign your mind starts racing, especially for your first one.
What kind of father will I be? Will we be able to afford what is about to happen? Are we really pregnant, or could that cheap piece of plastic have screwed up? How can I keep my mouth shut for two months (for the next blog)? Will we have the time to reconstruct a baby room? Boy, girl, other? Am I dreaming again? And this is just the beginning.
All I have to say is I'm extatic, and so is Shannon. She filled in for a coworker and did a 10 hour shift and had to be up at 4am. She should have crashed and nappen. She didn't. She just sat there and thought. She is beaming from ear to ear, I hope she doesn't tip off our friends.
I find myself also in a euphoric mindset. I'm doing what I vowed never to do as a manly man, talk to my wife's belly. And I did it in the first couple hours. I also find myself so connected to my wife that I just want to gaze into her eyes forever.
Then comes the full circle of this blog. Why do I keep seeing the image of that plus sign instead of a baby? Is it because her stomach isn't big yet or she hasn't started puking yet (she was writihing on the bathroom floor last night)? Is it becuase we haven't gone to a doctor's appointment yet or because we haven't told anyone yet?